Tantra, my experience
Tantra, what is it?! For many people it seems to refer to some kind of sexual activity that they do not understand but nonetheless are sceptical about or see as being on the fringe. When I started talking about exploring tantra people were generally in three camps, they humoured me but I could tell that they thought that I had finally gone too far towards the dark side; they had no idea what it was; or they thought that I was braver than most and they looked with some anticipation at what I might discover.
I became interested in tantra because a friend encouraged me to do so. She was already involved and she suggested that it could help with my shyness and general discomfort with anything sexual. I did not embrace the idea easily and I jokingly said that it had been a bold sexual move for me when I went from briefs to boxer shorts so it was unlikely that I could embrace tantra. But she persisted and recommended a book. To my surprise tantra was less about sex and more about a way of embracing life that was not all that dissimilar from the Isha System that I had been following for a number of years. The personal interspection and development that the Isha System facilitated had, among other things, resulted in me experiencing a renewed interest in sex and with it old frustrations and fear. The Isha System had given me the tools and confidence to embrace life in a way that I could have only imagined a few years before, but it had fallen short when it came to helping me move beyond my sexual inhibitions and perceived sexual problems.
As with everything it is one thing to intellectually understand something and yet another to exponentially integrate it into our lives. I was assured by many women that impotence need not be a detriment to having an active sex life but certainly that was not my experience. I also was very self conscious of my body, to the extent that when I vacationed in Hawaii a few years ago I refused to swim in the ocean. Add to this an overwhelming resistance to exploring sexual information and for me it was the perfect storm.
Was tantra the solution and what could it do for me. I hoped that it could provide an experience that would replace my previous negative encounters related to sexuality. This hope was based on what I had read about tantra and how it embraces all expects of our human experience without judgement. It also teaches techniques to integrate sexual energy in a holistic way instead of concentrating on a genital centric, limited orgasmic experience. I learnt that women are not objects to be conquered or used but rather beautiful beings to be respected, admired and cherished. I experienced giving and receiving without any expectation of personal gratification. I experienced being naked and not being self conscious or sexualizing the encounter. I released old negative energy that had held me captive for a lifetime with the result that I am now able to embrace sexuality without the fear that I had related to coitus. Coitus was not part of my tantric experience but the training environment provided a safe place where I could heal my family history related to sexuality. I am now able to inform myself in matters of physical intimacy and sexuality without the old inhibitions. The tantra workshops that I attended gave me more than I had hoped for, they gave me freedom and a complete release from the distorted view that I had of sexuality. I am now at peace with myself and willing to do whatever is necessary to be the best giver of love that is possible.
Brian 7.2.2016 (after two of Tantra Movement retreats)